So...what's your number?

Last night as I was basking in the afterglow with my significant other, he turned to me and asked me the one question that should not be asked by any person in a relationship and expect complete honesty. This question should be banned from couples’ discussion topics because the temptation to lie, embellish or withhold information is just too great. Now if you insist on hearing the truth on this one, then you should be prepared for a surprise or two.

He wanted to know how many guys I had been with before him. Awkward, considering what we had just done! I smiled and attempted to change the subject, didn’t work! I spent the next couple of minutes trying to avoid answering him, even giving him one of my toe curling kisses just to divert his attention to no avail. Apparently his curiosity was piqued by the blog post “that grey hair moment”, I wonder why. And here I was beginning to pat myself in the back, thinking that it must have been my amazing performance but I digress.

“Well sweetheart, (inside I was calling him all sorts of names), the truth of the matter is that I stopped counting a long time ago”. This threw him off, but only for a moment and he said, “let’s go through them one by one and to make you feel more comfortable we’ll do mine first”. Damn this man means business and his list is probably shorter than mine!

Why, oh why is it that men want to know this bit of information the minute that they become serious about a woman. Can we not just leave the past in the past? And honestly what are the chances that you will get an honest answer out of anyone regarding this question? Is being safe and healthy not more important?

Truly I had stopped counting a long time ago and did not relish the thought of trying to remember with him right next to me. The last time that I actually counted was when I hosted a bridal shower for a friend of mine years back. After a couple of drinks the ladies started talking numbers and were proudly declaring them. As this went on I started noticing a pattern, no one was going past the number three. We were all women in our late twenties and had been in and out of relationships. They could not in honesty tell me that in a room full of almost fifteen women that the highest number was three, my turn hadn’t come yet. I told them as much and asked them to get real and include their one night stands. You see, with us women one night stand and insignificant relationships don’t count. We have a tendency to forget them because there is no emotional attachment.  

Immediately people’s numbers changed to twice and in some cases three times as much as initially declared. It was so funny because some started recounting on the spot and just flat out refused to go past certain numbers. The showstopper was when one married lady said, “Oh heck my husband thinks that he’s lucky number three and I’ve just recounted and he’s actually fifteen!”

In all honesty this is a tricky discussion to have with your significant other. Women almost always divide their real number by 3 and men always multiply theirs by two. No one wants to fall from grace in the eyes of their loved ones and move from being labelled as pure and innocent to the all so scary “slut” label. And men always want to portray the image of experience and expertise! But this is the 21^st century for crying out loud, where the average first marriage age for women in our country is 35 and 30 for men as at 2000 STATSSA report (there is still hope my single ladies). And we all know that this means nothing because married people are some of the most sexually active people outside their marriage hence the reference to “first” marriage. So why are we all still stuck on the number? Well I for one refuse to go back; I’m a firm believer in moving forward. I don’t want to know what your number is and I also don’t want to tell you what mine is. Some things are just better left in the past where they belong. Be satisfied with the fact that currently you are number one in my book. Case closed!