While I wait...

When I was young, I was six or seven years old I had an exchange with my dad which I clearly remember to this day. They were talking about children and marriage and I jumped in and declared that I was never going to get married! I have no idea where that came from and from an early age I always felt like I was not destined to marry.

I believe in marriage, wholeheartedly. I believe that one should marry once, for life and stick it out through thick and thin. So in my quest for the one I’ve always taken that into consideration. I’ve always known that once I take that step, it would be a step that I would never want to go break no matter how tough things got. So the man had to be some kind of wonderful, he just had to be worth any sacrifice I would have to make in the future.

Now in my thirties unmarried I wonder whether those words I uttered at such a tender age were some form of self-fulfilling prophesy. It’s not like I’ve never been asked, it’s just that I’ve never been asked by someone I wanted to yes to.

There is a saying in Xhosa that “Umendo waliwa ngumthakathi” loosely translated to, you cannot say no to a marriage proposal. I have said no more than once and sometimes I wonder. I do believe though that there is nothing wrong in holding out for the best for yourself even if it means that you are alone for a while. Because I’m not going to marry a man that I can see in our relationship cannot keep his hands to himself, what do I then expect is going to happen in the marriage.

A lot of us ladies to like turning the blind eye to glaring realities about our partners. That’s one of my mother’s favourite saying, “My daughter if you want to be married, then you must be prepared to close one eye and keep the other open”. I am incapable of doing that; I have failed dismally each time I’ve tried. I do feel that it is unfair that we have to compromise our integrity as women just so that we can have a ring on our finger and change our last name. That is not what marriage should be about.

It should be about two people who have decided to work towards the same goals and achievements in life and do this working with each other instead of against each other.

The number of unhappy marriages out there really scares me because it does not take a lot for a human being to be happy. It’s a decision that one makes and if you meet each other half way you should be able to achieve this. We just allow our issues and egos to get in the way of the potential true happiness that marriage can bring two people in the right frame of mind. It all starts in the mind.

All in all what I’m saying is that despite my childish declaration, I’m someone who believes in the institution of marriage and who takes it seriously. And because of this fact I would rather wait until I meet someone that will work towards the same goals and achievements as me. Someone that I can share my life with and walk with in this long journey called life. In the meantime though I will definitely enjoy myself with the ones that will come into my life while I wait.